Note: this is not mine, I found it on an internet forum, if you tabbed it a) thanks b)
sorry c) your an idiot to post it on a forum and not expect it to be shared about a bit. Thanks!
(A) E/G#Obviously I don't want to infer that being invited onto Friday Night with Wossy
F#m Eisn't wonderfully affirming, and I know I oughta
Aappreciate the risk you took, the bookers who agreed to book
Ea chap who tends to talk about the kinda things that get the BBC in hot water.
A6And I don't want to seem greedy, I'm just saying
(E)I'd like to be here every week if that's OK.
And, if you'll hear me out, I think I've got a way
F#m E Din which we could do it pretty easily.
EYou can leave all the boring details to me.
A6* Eadd2/A* F#m/A*It's a brilliant idea, a truly original concept.
A6* Eadd2/A* E/BNo one in Britain has ever done anything like it yet.
Picture this - imagine if we had
(A) E/G# F#m E Dfive poofs and two pianos - yeah, it's a wicked idea.
A E/G#Why settle for a quartet of queers
D/F# EWhen there's a possibility of a penta-poofter-piano-posse here?
(A) E/G# F#m E DFive poofs and two pianos - yeah, it'll be ace:
A E/G# D Aa hundred percent more pianos and twenty five percent more gays.
Pickup: E F# G#
(A)I know, I know, I've seen the problem too.
(E/A)There's a rumour I am straight, it's true.
(D/A) DmIt hurts to admit it, but I'm about as bent
Dmas Wossy himself or Fiddy Cent.
(A)But I've already thought it through.
(E/A)D'you know there's preachers in America who reckon they can do
Dsexuality conversions. I've heard them assert
D7they can cure a man of trouser love and turn him onto skirt.
E7Well I don't see why they couldn't pull the same trick in reverse, and we'd have -
(A) E/G# F#m E Dfive poofs and two pianos - yeah, it's a revolution
A E/G#and probably the best solution
D Eto the problem you're inevitably having with an even number of homosexuals.
Pickup: E F# G#
(A)Yes I know your producers might suspect
(E/A)that the licence-paying public will object
(D/A) Dto the Corporation having yet
Dmanother homosexual to pay.
(A)The Daily Mail will bring the big guns out.
(E/A)Jan Moir will be frothing at the mouth,
(D/A)writing further brilliant stuff about
(Dm) Ethe myth about being both happy and gay.
F#m F#m/A F#m/C#But all that moral indignation
D/F# A/Ewill disappear when they see
D Athose four lovely guys and me
Bm Esinging in perfect harmony.
F#m/AAnd all those angry letter writers,
D/Alike 'Disgusted' from the Isle of Wight
F#m/Aand 'Mad' from Hull and 'Outraged' from Leeds
E E7 Fo7and 'Slightly Annoyed' from Berwick on Tweed,
F#m E Dwill instantly change their tune.
A EThey'll be bleeding-heart liberals by Saturday noon.
DThey'll be giving their grandchildren up for adoption
E E7 Fo7in the hope that a gay married couple will adopt 'em.
FThey'll be putting rainbow stickers on their cars,
G E (Bass line - A
E F E G A)and cutting holes in the arse of their leather strides.
And watching 2 pianos and 5 guys
Watching 2 pianos and 5 guys
G (picks up on the G in the bass line)
Watching 2 pianos and five ..1, 2 ,3, 4,
(C) G/B Am G F5 poofs and 2 pianos - yeah, it'll be grand.
C G/B F CYou can never have too many pianos or too much man.
(C) G/B Am F5 poofs and 2 pianos - maybe we could out Jamie Cullum.
G F CMake it a trio of pianos and a big gay half dozen.